Wake up, our ship has been ice-bound long enough, the time has come to sail the open seas. ~ Rumi
I could see it so clearly in my mind’s eye: a beautiful garden, rich with colors that expanded beyond the horizon. I was standing at the entrance of the garden, ready, with an open heart (and a little bit of anxiety) to embrace the journey. It wasn’t an easy road to get to this garden, to have the garden gate behind me. There were a lot of tears, a lot of pain, a lot of challenges, a lot of courage, a lot of prayers, a lot of healing and a lot of help and support along the way. Paulo Coelho’s quote in the introduction to The Alchemist, writes: “the path of the personal calling is no easier than any other path, except that our whole heart is in this journey.”
The path in front of me is purely my own and the garden represents new beginnings in so many ways, so many possibilities of my future. I glance behind and am amazed at my journey, some of the tears and pain feel like such a distant memory yet I know how much my past makes this vision that much sweeter.
In the present, I have to admit, I was a little nervous with the start of this week. Transitioning from the gift of being able to play in the world of ‘being’ for 3 months to a more structured work opportunity and the start of school and activities for my kids. I really enjoyed the freedom of being, it was challenging to embrace after leaving the corporate world in May. I had to talk myself out of the desire to have an extensive checklist of things to do and be kind to myself if I didn’t get everything done. I had to revisit my own values and determine what was truly important to me and start making decisions about how I spent my time based on those values. Having the time was a gift and gave me the opportunity to dive deep into where I was holding myself back from living an abundant life.
I thought I had this abundance going really well – so many things were flowing my way, a work opportunity that seemed ideal, new clients, an amazing vacation in August, the completion of 2 certifications, an amazing class with an awesome coach and time to truly enjoy my children and the activities in their life without stress (and more). I was full of amazement and gratitude as I continued to work and move forward.
Boom – It was as if the universe, God, needed to get my attention and everything that was coming my way ended up in the land of ambiguity – the clients, the work opportunity, the vacation all ended up in chaos and uncertainty. It turns out my ‘ask’ button was broken…or stuck from non-use. I was on a coaching call – “does anyone have any questions?” Nothing, my mind was completely blank, and I tried to think of a question but still nothing. I couldn’t come up with anything yet I so wanted to talk — this was a stretch for me and one I wanted to tackle. “Ask if you need help.” Asking God, the universe, the angels, Mary, etc., was easy as my trust in the support of the higher realms was firm and unshakable. I knew it was always there, that I was never alone. Asking people was a whole new territory and one I needed to start playing in more, one that would open me up to deeper connections, vulnerability and more challenges (and joy) along the way. We weren’t meant to travel this journey alone, without help. Giving and Receiving is a dance for both the giver and the receiver. It is not one sided. What a gift it is to allow another to give and graciously receive. We need to be open to asking and open to receiving, especially if we are constantly giving and giving and giving. We know the joy in giving but do we know the joy in receiving? I know I am not alone in this mindset of being strong, independent, responsible, doing everything myself while giving everything I have, thinking I am not worthy to receive help, to receive love, to receive what I need and desire. I am excited to release that belief and see what is ahead. It has been new territory and I may falter along the way but I am ready to continue playing more with the feminine energy of receiving in balance with the masculine energy of giving. I have been out of balance for far too long…
“Put me in Coach – I am ready to Play!”